So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
