her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
