So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
