Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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