grandma shit on top of the toilet
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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