is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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