Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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