My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
