I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
