FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
