Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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