Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
