So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
