Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
