i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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