She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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