So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I puked a lego.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
