I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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