I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
