Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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