Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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