My friends, they love my intelligence
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
