I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
