Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
