Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
