I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
