how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
