Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
