Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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