she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
