he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
