if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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