Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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