dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
