The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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