I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
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