I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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