If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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