nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
