And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
