If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
