Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
