Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
