Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
