I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
