Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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