He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My breasts were aching with rage.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
