party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
