i can't believe i had my finger in that
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
