ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
