and she was petting her beer can
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
