just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
