Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
