oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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